Revelstoke's Story

I received the following communique from my dear brethern, Spuzzy, and thought I'd post it here:

Dear Nato and Phoebser,

This is a letter from Revelstoke S. Fox. Daddy is helping me type, since my fingers are too nubby to hit the proper keys. I wanted to tell you the story of your parent’s ORIGINAL children, me and Spuzzlina, Mervy, Marty, Myron and Celery. At one time, we were enough for them, but I guess they got bored with us and decided they needed human children. Oh well.

Of course, we were all adopted. Actually, we weren’t adopted, we were bought at a store, like some crummy postcard or box of candy. We were actually property before we came into your home and became people.

It all began in 1984, when Sallee and Richard drove their blue Honda Accord Hatchback from their home in San Francisco to Western Canada for a road trip vacation. In Vancouver, just north of Seattle, they were staying at a nice, fancy hotel with a gift shop where I had been imprisoned for many months. Sallee took an immediate liking to me, and bought me. Richard thought she was nuts for buying a kids toy. Somehow, he didn’t understand the cleverness of a fox dressed up in a fox-hunting outfit, with Jodhpur pants and red hunting jacket and boots. You see, I dressed this way so the fox hunters wouldn’t hunt me!

Anyway, Richard and Sallee and I drove further East from Vancouver, through the beautiful Rocky Mountains of Canada. This was before they even had a proper name for me, and of course, I didn’t speak at all. That would all come from Richard.

The road from Vancouver to Calgary goes through the towns of Spuzzum and Revelstoke. Richard thought Spuzzum was the most amazing name—obviously it is a Native American name. After some time, Richard warmed up to me and decided to call me Revelstoke Spuzzm Fox, or Spuzzy for short. Soon after, on the shores of Lake Louise in Canada, I found my voice and my personality, courtesy of my adopted daddy.

I guess you can say he thought I had a “stick up my butt”, because I always talked like I was in a snit about something—a really pissy fox. I think he was making fun of me, but it was better than being ignored. They also made up some silly stories about how I was a Canadian Mounted Policeman, and how I lived in a gypsy circus, and escaped from a South American prison, and so on. I think they have very active imaginations and should get a life.

Spuzzlina was adopted from a National Trust Store in Bath, England in 1988. As soon as Salllee saw her, she had to buy her. She was soft and bendable, and very pretty, but she was also always in a snit. She talked like an old-fashioned school teacher, or maybe an opera singer. There was some story about her being sold into slavery because of a gambling debt, or something. I think she just ran into the National Trust store to escape some fox hunters and their dogs.

Mervy was purchased on the square in Fairfield, as was Marty. Myron was given to us by somebody who was leaving town. Celery was bought in San Diego when Sallee was visiting her friend Beatrix. All of them were designed by Francesca Hoerlein, whose husband is one of Bill Teeple’s artist friends. Mervy has always had a little problem with drug abuse. He doesn’t really understand the difference between right and wrong. He might be a very bad influence on you, so don’t hang out with him too much. Marty doesn’t really speak because he’s just a little baby. He’s enlightened and can fly. Myron and Celery are pretty much ignored all the time. Spuzzlina and I resent Mervy and Marty because they are so cute and stupid. They never say anything intelligent and they are usually very rude.

Somehow, all of us stuffed animals got pushed aside when Nathan and Phoebe came into our house. We kind of resent you both and can hardly wait until you grow up and leave us to the way things used to be. Don’t even think about taking us to college with you! We don’t want to hang out with your beer drinking friends and sit on a shelf while you pretend to study.

What we really need is a good bath and some new clothes. Maybe you can make something for us while you are at camp?

Well, that’s all for now,
Love,
Spuzzy